But donвЂ™t be impatient, every plan has its own destiny. My friends, I know you are anxious to know about my boysвЂ™ great game for the region. I present to the world an updated Taliban ThatвЂ™s what I get for my service of training jihadis And we may soon start asking the Taliban for loans, considering they will acquire all the wealth left behind by people fleeing or looking to flee Afghanistan, hopefully for good.ДЄlso read: Pakistan is jailing me for 11 years. Our Gen Bajwa-led army is like GhaniвЂ™s army, on the same page of surrendering. As pizza generals who havenвЂ™t won any wars for Pakistan, we would now flaunt the TalibanвЂ™s victories as our own. We might have sired the Taliban but now they are 18+ and ready to rock the world on their own. This is why Pakistan is the TalibanвЂ™s strategic depth and not the other way round. We took dollars from the US and fought for the Taliban. Their father, Pakistan, was right behind them, supporting them even in the face of evil pressure of George Bush. Blessed are my boys who werenвЂ™t orphaned even in their failure. They say success has many fathers but failure is an orphan. After all, they were heroes till they became villains, now they are the rulers. If the Taliban keep going at this pace, who knows one of my boys might even become the president of the United States after Joe Biden. As VIPs, they have been inside the Oval Office, something most of you have only watched in House of Cards. NaГЇve are those who think that running a country is new for my boys. They wore the Cheetah sneakers and never took it off. Like most brilliant op-ed writers, Haqqani also didnвЂ™t know what they, the Taliban, or I want. I told them to wear a humble look, not mingle with society much, even convinced the deputy leader, Sirajuddin Haqqani, to write an article in The New York Times explaining What I Want. From being down and out to outing the so-called superpower, not once but twice, our boys have truly shown the world what a bunch of guided people can do. I also see people questioning me and my tactics they wonder how we managed to reach this far. Stop saying things you will regret later! Come on, lighten up, that was not a threat, just a silly joke. By the way, stop calling them the Talibans with an вЂњsвЂќ that is incorrect. Unlike US troops, me and my army arenвЂ™t going to withdraw from Afghanistan. I trained my boys for 20 years and will continue to do so. DonвЂ™t blame me, I am a busy personality, looking after my own country Pakistan and beyond.ДЄlso read: Dear Pakistanis: I am pushing BDSM, Bajwa Doctrine of Sadomasochism, at India Like Mullah Omar once told me, вЂњThey have the watches, we have the time.вЂќ Twenty years later, I am happy to report that my boys have the apple watch and no time to spend time in childrenвЂ™s parks, even though they seem interested in going there from time to time. When I make a commitment, I follow through.

The world might be surprised by my military shenanigans вЂ“ in an assisted role, of course вЂ“ but you should know better by now. Hail me, better yet learn from me that nothing can drive you more than the resolve to seek revenge for a bruised butt. While Ahmad Shah Abdali looks on from the wall behind me, I sit in Ashraf GhaniвЂ™s seat, flanked by my trained warriors.Д«ut this victory was always in the making, even if it took me and my boys two decades. I write to you from AfghanistanвЂ™s sprawling presidential palace in the company of my trained Taliban fighters who are breaking into tears over the victory вЂ“ 20 years and 20 gunshots on their buttocks later, we have finally defeated the United States. My fellow readers, itвЂ™s a special day today for your General Twitter.

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